Self-Esteem: Building Who You Want to Be

Oyekanmi Tofunmi 

I often find myself speaking less because I fear saying the wrong thing or being criticized. I'm anxious about voicing my opinions because I worry that I might sound foolish or immature. However, I realized that how people value you is largely determined by how you respect and carry yourself; you will be perceived based on how you present yourself.

Where you fall on the self-esteem scale primarily stems from how you feel about yourself and the identity you have formed from your experiences with people in school, your circle of friends, your workplace, and more.

Dr. Morris Rosenberg, a professor of Sociology at the University of Maryland from 1975 until his death in 1992, defines self-esteem as “a favorable or unfavorable attitude toward the self.” This means self-esteem is fundamentally about how we evaluate ourselves as human beings. It’s less about talent or achievement and more about self-worth.

Several questions can help reveal your level of self-esteem, whether it is high or low. These questions include:

1. How do you speak to yourself when nobody is listening?

2. How do you treat yourself after making mistakes?

3. Do you believe your needs matter?

4. Can you respect yourself even when others don’t?

Having high self-esteem is where everyone wants to be and sometimes it might seem far but it is attainable. Self-discovery and intentional effort are essential to start building self-esteem. If you struggle with this, the following insights may be helpful.

The lifestyles you observe from friends, social media, or those around you can sometimes challenge your beliefs about your worth. Constant criticism, comparison, bullying, negative childhood experiences, and family expectations are major contributors to low self-esteem, making people feel inadequate and worthless. Therefore, it is important to acknowledge both past and current experiences. Take the time to self-reflect in a notebook. Intentionally debunk the lies and fears you hold. Read books that reinforce the idea that a person’s value is rooted in their belief about themselves.

How to Build Self-Esteem

Building high self-esteem requires practical steps to overcome negative feelings:

1. Start by speaking positively to yourself daily.

2. Remember that making mistakes is not bad; you don’t have to beat yourself up for them. Failure is just a first attempt at something. 

3. Counter any negative self-talk by identifying evidence in your life that disproves these thoughts.

4. Appreciate every good thing about yourself. Instead of dwelling on past mistakes, focus on improvement.

5. Always remember that everyone is created and trained differently. Do not compare yourself to others; everyone behaves differently, and you cannot be like anyone else.

6. Always celebrate your little wins, don't wait for the big wins to tell you how awesome you are.

Remember that everyone has a unique ability that makes them different. Recognizing your own uniqueness will help improve your self-esteem. No one can define who you are better than you can. I